Ahh, Venus. The planet of *love*. The planet you don’t come-a-knockin’ if it’s-a-rockin’. We can’t land there, yet, but you can still marvel at her majestic beauty and full plumage of color. Ahh yes, she wore her best dress to the galactic ball. We sent our best bachelor there (to see if he could woo the landing rights from her). We packed him with flowers, jewels, and other shiny things girls seem to like and sent him off.
Now we know others have tried and will continue to try, but when the moon (our wingman so to speak) gave us an elbow and said “I think she likes you..”, we knew we had to try.
It turns out Venus is a very secretive girl, she doesn’t even have moons. But, here at Fly-To Inc. – er, I mean our resident Casanova and lounge lizard, Brett Goesin, was up to the challange.
From what little contact we did get was some data and a garbled message to the effect of “omg, sh’es hot..(static)….(static) …crushing weight…(static)…cant’….breath….(static)ahhhhhhhhhhhNoodlepoops!(static) at which point we lost transmission. Perhaps we should have checked the wiki now listed on the right side for you. Apparently, Venus does not like suitors. And with a surface temperature of about 655 K (380 °C; 715 °F) and an atmospheric pressure of about 4.5 MPa or 92x of Earths, she does *not* want to be seen (or touched). That dress of clouds is a full on knockout, sporting the finest sulfuric acid you will ever swaddle yourself up in.
However the russians were able to get a peek, but she caught them and melted their ‘probe’. She will only accept the finest of gentlemen, and if not, she will dissolve you and wash you down the drain.
Welcome to the Fly-To-Venus portal. Here you will enjoy many of our fine packages within your budget that will get you to and from Venus to anywhere else in the solar system! Please be sure you use our travel tools to help you determine costs and flight times for other planetary destinations. Please click an advertisement because, well space *is* expensive and we aim to keep travel costs to the low billion dollars.
Currently we are offering discounts for transfer windows. Last minute reservations will depend on availability of space and your requested travel package. (Depends on how many monkeys we got stuffed in the cargo bay.)
Available packages :
1’st class : Full service pre-flight prep by one of our many highly educated talented technicians who will explain everything in as much (or little) detail as you require. Once securely in your private cabin you will find a full range of comforts such as :
- Quantum Internet – No more 2 second ping times! Frag all your friends from millions of miles away! This also includes full entertainment package of your choosing, full communications so you can still work from millions of miles away. (Hope your job pays well..)
- Also included is a full supply of whatever space food you enjoyed in our 5 star cafe overlooking beautiful Cape Canaveral during your pre-flight preparations. This will be your in-flight meals. Upon reaching your destination, Marvel at our 5 star resorts! We also offer full fun parks, day care, medical needs, resturants and much more! We also are host to theaters showing everything from hard rock bands to the latest blockbusters from Hollywood to the latest YouTube celebrity of the week! And the end of your day, you will relax in your super soft genuine low-g bed stuffed with the feathers from a flock of cloned DoDo birds. In the interests of our biospheres, you can also find several mouth watering DoDo dishes in all our menus! (I’m partial to the spicy buffalo DoDo myself).
- You are also allowed up to 1/2 metric ton of cargo space with the option to have more sent to/from should you decide to extend your stay. For a small fee of course.
2’nd class : Want to Fly-To but your on a budget? Worry no more! Our ‘steerage’ package will get you onboard!
- Upon arrival for your morning pre-flight you can stock up on beef jerky and sandwiches you can find in one of our many Fly-To-Vendo machines.
- You and other travelers will be educated in many things during the standard pre-flight briefing. No worries, our janitor – Sparky (noone remembers his real name after all these years..it just sorta took) will educate the group on all the functions of your suit. Fear not, he is highly educated in our tech, because “I done this ‘fore, it aint my first bbq”.
- Your accommodations consist of a fine padded 6’x6′ stored in the cargo bay. Your space Lazy Boy ™ that also folds into a launch chair, a bed, or a couch. Your cargo is, well, whatever you can stuff in there with yourself.
- Travel throughout the ship is restricted to cargo bay, so you may roam and meet other travelers and livestock but not the command module or 1st class areas.
- Internet is available through standard radio based 512KB link. Video is limited to standard def 4:3 television. You have 10 hours per Diem, overages will result in additional charges.
- Upon landing, You will depart cargo and head to your new 12’x12′ cabin. Unlimited internet with cable speeds, ping times are will be measured in light speed. You may upgrade to Quantum Internet for the price of your arm or leg.
- Package does not include viewing areas however, your entertainment package does include a feed from the surface, among others you can explore in virtual reality. Package only includes the current planet you are on. You can buy one of our many additional entertainment packages for a nominal free per channel.
Well that’s the gist of it folks! Check with one of our fine booking agents who will be happy to answer any questions you have. So come try out one of our travel packages and see space yourself!
- payment must be rendered in full before lift off.
- You must also sign a waiver absolving Fly-To-Venus and the Fly-To corporation should you experience starvation, loss of atmosphere, catastrophic fuel detonation, ‘space willies’ (sanity clause), unsolved cargo hold crimes (it has happened), alien parasites, alien abduction, loss of navigation resulting in crash landing, system failure at any time of any system. Basically, you are on your own, we only ship yer butt. Don’t worry though, space travel is still safer then 3/4 of the Earths landmass. Nothing is guaranteed in life. Our motto is “We should be able to get you there alive! Mostly…9/10 is good odds the engineers tell us legal people.”